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SchizoMayunly
That's good, this way you don't have to buy razorblades to cut your skin. Opteh shoutbox: saving your money since 2011
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FuckEgypt
I think that getting sucked off by a man isn't really gay. The male mouth and female mouth are literally the same. How can getting sucked off by one be gay and the other not? It's just another kind of bias against gay people. Not every action involving dicks is sexual. Is peeing sexual? No right. I'd say that blowjobs are only 50% sexual (since the penis is a sexual organ and the mouth is not) and net 0% gay, since the gay and straight aspects balance each other out. If you closed your eyes and had an experienced person of unspecified gender/sex sucking you, you probably wouldn't be able to tell who it was. So blowjobs are sex neutral. Of course, if you are doing the sucking then it would be gay. There is a fair difference between a dick and a clit, so it is a bit gay. Nothing wrong with it though.
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Hornybadgerchad
Yeah, but BOR, you forget that some ladies have clits which resemble penises. How should I act in such circumstances? I'm confused. Seems to be a clit, but at the same time looks like a penis. Or it's just the matter that if you don't do it — there is no need to be confused, right?
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SchizoMayunly
Usually those are the ladies who take steroids, that's what happens when bitchiz want to become bodybuilders. In those circumstances I guess you either run away like a pussy, or be a mayun and frot with the woman's clit before getting all the way up in her spicy meat curtains, in the same way as a leatherdaddy would frot with Mikael's swedish lovemachine (of steel)™ before pounding his angus like a battering ram.
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SchizoMayunly
Say that to teh gayz who get their Svöllen-Böehners deepthroated by dudes with a stubble beard. It must feel like torture, like rubbing sandpaper on their meatballs
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FuckEgypt
I agree. As a guy who has a beard that grows quick, this has been one of my biggest fears. Giving blowjobs must feel like hell. you have to extra clean shave your beard, watch out for your teeth, endure the jaw pain, and handle the horrendous smell of the penis (if the dude is unhygienic.) I truly feel sorry for the ladies and dudes out there who have to go through that shit, y'all have my thoughts and prayers!
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SchizoMayunly
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Opteh. The chord progressions are extremely subtle and without a solid grasp of music theory most of the riffs will go over a typical listener's head. There's also Mike's individualistic outlook which is deftly woven into his lyrics-his personal philosophy draws heavily from Max Stirner literature for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these lyrics, to realise that they're not just genius-they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Opteh truly ARE idiots-of course they wouldn't appreciate for instance the humour in Mike's catchphrase "feel the pain in your brain insane" which itself is a cryptic reference to Cypress Hill. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Mikael Åkerfeldt's genius unfolds itself on their headphones. What fools... how I pity them 😂
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Hornybadgerchad
Is it quote from Juden Peterstein? He started appreciating Opteh? Or someone introduced him to Opteh? And how it happened, I wonder...
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Hornybadgerchad
OMGOMG BORS! I JUST LISTENED TO SEVERAL SONGS FROM AKERSTACHE'S HERITAGE (OF LOVE) ULTIMATE REVERB EDITION AND I JIZZED MY PANTS FROM THAT AWESOMENESS. WHY NO SPEAKS THAT ULTIMATE REVERB EDITION IS SO AMAZING AND PERFECT? I EVEN FOUND THE TRACK BLACKWATER PARK (MAKING LOVE IN THE DARK) WHICH WAS LIVE! ISN'T IT AMAZING? SADLY THERE WOULD NO AKERSTACHE LIVES, WHICH IS SAD :(.
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SchizoMayunly
HEY BRAW I THINK TEH REASON WHY THERE IS NO AKERSTACHE LIVE ALBUM IS BECUZ AFTER TEH FIRST COUPLE OF SONGS TEH AUDIENCE JIZZ SO MUCH THAT TEH SHOW IS OVER DUE TO FLOODINGS DROWNINGS AND SHIT
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SchizoMayunly
WELL THEY BOTH LOVE JIZZRAEL SO I BET THEY WOULD HAVE A LOT OF FUN FROTTING EACH OTHER, SEDUCTION WUD BE EASY BECUZ JUDEN LIKES ZIONISTS
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Hornybadgerchad
You saw the news? Some Jizzrael newspaper posted some strange event, when some dude threw dildos in some kibbutz garden, that belongs to Juden Peterstein. Later, they even quoted the remarks of him, stating that: «Stop throwing dildos in my garden, you insensitive MORON». Later, it was found out that it was Stephen Witlon and they showed his words: «I'll continue throwing avantgarde dildos in your garden, up to the point you'd jizz your pants». And Juden Peterstein continued bolstering up with his anger about avantgarde dildos in his kibbutz garden in Jizzrael. While Stephen continued trolling him with avantgarde dildos. So, collecting of dildos was not in vain, suffice it to say.
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Hornybadgerchad
Recently found some weird crazy conspiracy theory about Mikael's sexuality and how that change happened: «Remember that moment when he ate cheeseburger on stage? Some weirdos on the internet say, that some gay sluts witchers (leatherdaddy witchers) found secret recipe in the old book, that is called GAY POTION™. So, beforehand, they bought some food in McDonald's and later used that potion on the cheeseburger, the way that no one would've found out. And probably this is the coincidence, but why Mikael later wrote the song «Sorceress»? Probably he felt that leatherdaddy witchers put something in this food, that made him GAY. Or some leatherdaddy fell in love with Mikael and he wanted to cast a spell on him, making him a) gay b) falling in love with him and Mikael becoming obsessed about him c) change after Frottershed (why? even after that GRAOWELZ PAST & AKERSTACHE? WHY MIKE?). So, if it is true, we should disenchant Mikael from that LEATHERDADDY HEX™ and make HIM GROWL AGAIN™».
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SchizoMayunly
I almost forgot about that moment. Mikael eating a jizzburger while the other band members improvised some shitty circus jazz was priceless - it would have been a great ad for McDonalds, almost as good as Mike serving foods while naked. Also the alternate album title for Sorceress was SoreAssness, I guess it was (besides the obvious allusion to post-buttsex pain) a reference to the violent explosive diarrhea that Mikael had after eating that poisoned gayburger
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Hornybadgerchad
That's why and how leatherdaddy witchers make others gay. With potions and bisphenol GAY. It's faster, because it makes others more submissive. And more open to leathersex™. Especially if applied MGAY-ULTRA programming. But with that dude in the restroom... I think he tried to seduce Mikael since Brokebackwater Park™. I think it started during the Sex Reveries™ sessions, when he delved into the occult. I think this was the beginning of the end™ (meaning heterosex). And probably some leatherdaddies already started practicing some witchcraft on Mikael. They pushed him to gayness step-by-step. He wrote more non-growl songs on Frottershed, remember? Coincidence? Who knows. And when that accident with jizzburger was? In-between Sex Reveries™ and Frottershed™? You remember when that happened?
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SchizoMayunly
I don't remember exactly when he ate that jizzburger, but given that the guitarist was Frotrik and the video emerged ten years ago, it must have been somewhere between 2008 and 2014. Probably in between Frottage and Male Communion? Or SoreAssness? But it doesn't matter anyway, because Mikael's TRANSformation was already taking place at the time, courtesy of Stevie Willie and his frozen shit icecream dildo diets, along with MGay-Ultra brainwashing. That's why Domination had no graowelz at all
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Hornybadgerchad
Domination is just a reference to fagguminati brainwashing. He was dominated by fagguminati via Stephan. I don't know about sex, but I know it was mandatory to call the album like that. Dominated by fagguminati™. Or it was just the first introduction to leathersex™. And maybe he tried to rebel against fagguminati on the following album and on the Frottershed. Maybe they even told him «no more heterosex».
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OneWhiteDuck
I’m telling you, Mikael Åkerfeldt is as cracked as he is jacked. I saw him at a Wawa the other day buying Monster and adult diapers. I asked him what the diapers were for and he said ”they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids“ then he buckled a customers legs with a Eloy LP and sprinted out the door.
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SchizoMayunly
Mikael has to wear diapers so he doesn't involuntarily shit his pants, due to the fact that he has a large anal cavity thanks to several years of getting constantly pounded by Steven's giant strap-on dildo
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Hornybadgerchad
So, now it makes sense. He molested Mikael. So, there is hope of saving Mikael from homersexuality.
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Hornybadgerchad
Anyone heard about 5G conspiracy theories? Some of them says that 5G in reality means 5 GAY RAYS. Didn't you know that fagguminati wanted to make others gay? With 5GAY it can be done faster, with increased speed and with stronger exposure. They tried to make people obsessed about leather & parade, but now, with some alien warlords technology it can be done easier, than it was in the past. 4Gay was not that strong another, but 5Gay would be stronger. That's why it was stated in the Cyberpunk with words of Keanu «You'll make this whole city GAY». It's like prediction made by fagguminati, surely stupid sheeple would never understand, saying «it is fiction», but «why you so unfictionally became gay?». Or that magic glasses from «They Live»? You put on these glasses and see that subconscious programming, that secretly makes you gay? I don't know, I didn't test it on Opteh records, but who knows. Maybe there I would find some creepy message. And that satellite in the end, with gay rays...
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SchizoMayunly
The magic glasses from "They Live" have been tested on Opteh records, here's the result: https://i.ibb.co/thsXNgh/magicglassesopteh.png
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SchizoMayunly
I installed a speedometer on my dong, now I can see how fast it goes when I'm POUNDING MIKAEL, LIKE A BATTERING RAM, FORGING THE FURNACE, FOR THE STEVEN'S GRAND SLAM™
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Hornybadgerchad
OMGOMG, BORS! BORS! I found extremely hilarious thing on some strange website. It was stated that it's a remake of «The Taming of The Scoundrel», but it got me some weird vibes. Because the main roles are played by someone, who cosplays Juden Peterstein and the other one is cosplayed by the man who resembles Stephen Witlon. And the main composer of the soundtrack is Micele Cuerofeldtino (probably some Italian-Swedish heritage, don't know the dude). And strange, but they announced also X-rated version of the film, so as R-rated ones with the possiblity of the «Director's cut» version. The role of one who's gonna be tamed is portrayed by cosplayed version of Juden Peterstein. And the tamer is one who's cosplaying Stephen Witlon.
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Hornybadgerchad
Recently it's been disclosed the lost letters and their correspondence between Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, which shows how their communist interest was also not about only about it per se, but had something interesting and peculiar. One of the letters I'm gonna read now: «Friedrich, my leatherdaddy angel... (my note: Engels — of angel, from the German)...». And that letter goes on and on about some weird and unknown side of Karl Marx (Mordechai Levi), where it is shown that he called his friend Friedrich as his «leatherdaddy angel». Probably, he just used him as a bank, because as far as it is known, he had always had problems with money. But leatherdaddy angel Friedrich helped him with money. But why? What if they really had something special. Leatherdaddy Angel and DAS KAPITAL ASS. Imagine how Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels aka leatherdaddy angel frot with each other, while writing Das Kapital. And later commies read it, though they don't know it was written during frottage.
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SchizoMayunly
Marxxx was Angel's favourite leatherdaddy from the Blue Oyster Bar, that's why he paid him big money. And they both invented cummunism. "From each according to their abilities to cum, to each according to his thirst." Also, look at the cummunist symbol - it's a sickle crossed with a hammer, it symbolizes frottage between Angel and Marxxx omgomg
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SchizoMayunly
I meant "from each according to his ability to cum" (that's what I get for posting on my phone while riding a mechanical bull at teh Blue Oyster Bar after downing a cider along with some benzos, Juden Peterstein style™)
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Hornybadgerchad
Now I get it. The word communion means really CUMMUNION, where you can find cum-guzzling ceremony (of love) and with candles and some sacred rituals. Probably, this ceremony was used even in the Fagguminati™ circles. But about Opteh... What's the connection? They use the same term, as fagguminati does. And interestingly, but Jizzus also had that magic cup of cumminion. Now I wonder, what really happened there.
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Hornybadgerchad
Why are you people so disrespectful? MIKAEL BECAME LEATHERDADDY FOR OUR SINS AND YOU MAKE JOKES ABOUT HIM!!!!! How insensitive and harsh you are! What's wrong with you people?
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SchizoMayunly
"You shall not commit adultery. Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery" ~ Leatherdaddy Jesus (Mikael)™
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Hornybadgerchad
Now it makes sense. You shall not look at a woman lustfully, but at a man you can. And it is not prohibited!
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Dogger_Dog
It is both an hom(o)age to the Fagguminati™ and an Ode to Chad (via "Teh Sleaze" MinstrelKnight, may he rest in peace)
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SchizoMayunly
Bors, I just figured out what HAARP really means: Homosexually Active Aural Rape Program™. It works by blasting modern Opteh out loud and sending the frequencies towards a space station, then that station directs them towards specific places on earth. This technology has power to modify people's thoughts and emotions, turning them gay. It also has the ability to change the weather and cause earthquakes in countries that refuse to implement fagguminati laws such as mandatory gay marriage. Also last year Turkey refused to let Sweden enter NATO (North Atlantic Tranny Organization™), this was offensive to fagguminati given the fact that the saviours of teh gayz are from Sweden (Opteh), so a few days after that, Turkey was destroyed by a massive girthquake. Coincidence? I don't think so, it was fagguminati's revenge...
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Hornybadgerchad
Or not long ago that operation in the East. They did this, because those people rejected the idea of being gay. While in jizzrael gay parties are like a cultural phenomenon so as money sluts. Go party, take acid, dance with trance and with molly you'd fall in love with a jewish leatherdaddy™. Some say that happened, because someone from the other side felt repugnant, that jewish leatherdaddy wanted to seduce him and he experienced panic attack and became extremely based. citing Qaddafi. He also screamed: «they want to make us gay, they want to make us gay». Archlizards from fagguminati started to feel that their existence is threatened, so they decided to do that thing.
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Hornybadgerchad
Was there any paragraph about making gay progressive cock music to make goys gay?
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SchizoMayunly
While the Protococks™ don't mention anything about progressive rawk in specific, they give us a few hints: "We have fooled, bemused and corrupted the youth of the GOYIM (and turned them into GAYIM) by rearing them in music genres which are known to us to be homosexual although it is by us that they have been inculcated."
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Hornybadgerchad
It's liked that meme with Keanu from Cyberpunk: «You'll make this whole city GAY».
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TheWatcher777
This shoutbox is like a social gathering in a psychiatric hospital but there aren't any doctors or staff members and it's just the patients rambling to each other.
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SchizoMayunly
No, this shoutbox is more like a party at a gay bar but there aren't any bartenders or security guards, and it's just the leatherdaddies talking to each other (and occasionally frotting).
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Hornybadgerchad
Wow. You're probably too cockservative. You should speak with Juden Peterstein about that matter, maybe you'd cry together with him like he does. Maybe, he'll frot with you, if you seduce him properly, maybe not, who knows? Or speak about Jizzrael with him, maybe he'd take the bait. Btw, don't forget, that he has adverse reactions to cider. And don't speak about his daughter, because there would be no frottage.
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Hornybadgerchad
BORS! Anyone heard what the hell is that thing, called OBSESSIVE COCKULSIVE DISORDER? I tried to figure it out, but even HOT MELTED CHEESE DIDN'T HELP. Anyone heard about that? Or I just listened too much Opteh, that I started experiencing these symptoms?
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SchizoMayunly
You were the guy wearing assless chaps and cowboy hat? If so, I think I grabbed your butt a few times, blame it on Opteh and their homoerotic music
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SchizoMayunly
Mikael (during an interview): "Back in 2020 when all the bars were closed, I went to the urologist on a daily basis." Interviewer; "Why? Did you get an STD? Coronapenis?" Mikael: "No, I just went there so a guy would touch my dick"
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SchizoMayunly
"If jizz were a currency I'd be stinkin' rich, I have tons of it inside my ass" ~ Mikael
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Hornybadgerchad
Henry Frot also wrote the most amazing book, «The international cocksuckers™» that was considered as a bestseller during 20-30s or something. And his most amazing quote from the book, that if you're wanna get rid of all wars — you should control international cocksucker families™, because every war is fought for cum and the CONTROL OF THE CUM.
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SchizoMayunly
Mikael wrote lyrics about Faggoty Reserve™, US Treajewry™ and the international wanker™: "HIS MOUTH IS A VORTEX, SUCKING CUM INTO ITS PANDEMONIUM, FOOLS YOU WITH A HELPING HAND OF CASHES, REACHED OUT BECAUSE THEY'RE GAY" And wut happens when there's no cum left? Acockalypse™, becuz without cum, the mens can't impregnate the womens. So the human species is wiped off the map™.™
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Hornybadgerchad
Don't forget that Blackcock organisation™ with Larry Twirk worked in tandem with Georgesaurus, who patented niggacumextractionmachine™. That's why it was called that way, that those cum-guzzling fags got hooked on niggas' cum. Goyim aryan cum didn't work anymore, so they got the primal tribal cum from the villages of Afrotrica. That's why also why some of the chosen leatherdaddies™ have curly hair. Know how this happened? Independent daughter™ of jizzrael leatherdaddy was having fun in different places, including in ghettos and hoods and clubs. And she thought that she could fool a nigga, seducing him and getting her hand on his money, aka free drinks, etc, etc. So, she turned him on, got free cocktails from the bar and tried to get away without being seen. So, that dude got extremely horny, inner beast from Afrotrica awoke in him and jooish american princess tried to run away from him. But later, he caught her and had sex. Later, little Benny was born to leatherdaddy's daughter.
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Hornybadgerchad
So, BORS & BORSESSES. I have a question to everyone who's in this shoutbox (of love). If someone asks you, with whom would you like to have sex: Mikael Akerfeldt or Steven Wilson? What would you say? Whom would you choose? And please, explain why. For example, you want to have sex with Mikael Akerfeldt because you want to steal some of his vinyl records while he's asleep.
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SchizoMayunly
I would rather sex Mikael, only because Steven is an incorrigible puppetmaster who might knock me unconscious in order to tie me up and convert me into a full-blown leatherdaddy through MGayUltra electrocock faggotherapy™
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SchizoMayunly
I guess the only things I could perhaps steal from him are his mellodongs, embalmed skinflutes and his collection of obscure avant-garde circus jazz albums
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SchizoMayunly
I'm not sure if he uses them as dildos. He probably just wipes his ass with them, and uses them to plagiarize ideas for his progressive cock projects
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SchizoMayunly
I DUNNO BRAH IF I TURN UP TEH VOLUME WHAT I HEAR IN ALL OPTEH TRACKS IS MIKAEL MOANING IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE HE GETS A DILDO SHOVED UP HIS ASS, DOES THAT COUNT AS "CLEAN VOCALS"?
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SchizoMayunly
Umm... umm... I would choose Blackfrotter Park, it's the most homoerotic album out of the first five, courtesy of Stevie Willie
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spineshank155
Protip: if you go through and clean your car brakes (especially in rainy, snow/salt climates) once a year they last longer. Be a mayun and keep your car running like a top. Make sure you know what you are doing or have someone else do it that knows what they're doing. Remember, safety thurd. Don't trust your life with sketchy mechanics.
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SchizoMayunly
I don't drive a car so I don't know what you're talking about, mayun, I only travel by helicockter™ (it's when I spin my cock in circles so fast that I achieve flight)
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SchizoMayunly
Yesterday I was stealing some Brolex watches from the jewelry store, suddenly the cops arrived there and surrounded me, so I did a windmill with my boner and helicocktered my way to freedom. Helicockter™ = best method of travel
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Hornybadgerchad
Btw, BOR, isn't it dangerous to use Viagra pills to boost that helicockter power? Aren't you afraid that your Motörpenis engine™ might overheat? Or you use extra fuel engine, that you bought on darknet? I've heard that thing, cumextractionmachine™ is used to make engines, that work on cumfuel™. Probably, that research wasn't false. I've only heard rumors that you can buy that extra contraption on darknet and at the same it is easier to connect it to the main engine. So, you wouldn't have need to use Viagra. Instead you' can use extra power, that works on cumfuel™. So, those rumors about that miracle engine were true. And cumextractionmachine™, sponsored and made by Georgesaurus was not a joke (though he and his friends have specific accentuation on some specific cum, while in the past he wore proudly gestapo soldier outfit™). Now I wonder, what is better, Tesla car that works on electricity or those amazing engines that work on cumfuel™ made in secret labs of fagguminati™.
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SchizoMayunly
You know, I hadn't thought about it but it's true, I run the risk of overheating my böehner. I could purchase a cooling fan for my Motörpenis engine™, or perhaps that extra engine sponsored by Georgesaurus. Also, instead of Tesla car, Fagrari or engine, I suggest helicocktering, it is the cheapest and most eco-friendly transportation method, already being practiced by environmental activists in colleges all over the world. It's even more eco-friendly than the fartmobile™, which is when you let the power of your farts propel you (this post was written while I was helicocktering over the City of Love™)
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SchizoMayunly
OMG BORS OPTEH MUSIC IS LIEK REALLY POETIC AND MYSTICAL AND TRANSCENDENTAL AND SHIT IT'S BEYOND WORDS AND UNDASTANDINGS I JUST HEARD HEIRTAGE AND TEH VERSES ARE SO DEEP LIKE "FEEL THE PAIN IN YOUR BRAIN INSANE" I MEDITATION WHILE LISTENING TO IT AND NOW I HAVE SPECIAL POWERS I CAN MOVE OBJECTS WITH MY MIND AND STUFF I MEAN JUST RIGHT NOW I THOUGHT ABOUT HAWT SWEATY LEATHERDADDIES AND MY DONG STARTED TO RISE LIKE A SNAKE THIS IS TRVE FUCKERS THEIR MUSIC IS SO POWAH A FEW MORE LISTENS AND I WILL BE ABLE TO LEVITATE IN THE AIR NO NEED FOR HELICOCKTER OR FARTMOBILE (WHICH IS WHEN TEH FART IS SO POWERFUL IT PROPELS YOU)
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Hornybadgerchad
BOR, I SHAT MY PANTS WHILE READING. AT LEAST IT'S NOT 2020 AND I HAVE NO NEED TO BUY EXTRA TOILET PAPER, DUE TO CORONAPENIS.
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SchizoMayunly
THERE'S NO NEED TO BUY TOILET PAPER, JUST PICK UP AN OPTEH RECORD AND WIPE YOUR ASS WITH THE LINER NOTES
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Hornybadgerchad
OR JUST WASH YOUR ASS AND SHIT ITSELF WILL FALL DOWN. HOPE THERE WOULD BE NO NEED TO CALL MARIO TO CLEAN PIPEZ.
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SchizoMayunly
BRO THESE TORLLS NO UNDESTAND OPTEH. MIKAEL MAKES REAL MUSIC FOR REAL PEOPLES LIKE ME WITH REAL EMOTION. THESE EVIL MATERIALIST SATANIC FAGGUMINATI SHAPESHIFTING REPTILIAN TORLLS POLLUTE DIS SHOUTBOX WITH JOKES ABOUT LEATHERDADDIES WEENERZ DEEP ANALSEX BUT THEY DON'T KNOW OPTEH IS DEEPER THAN THAT. TEH DEPTH OF MIKAEL'S MUSIC DOESN'T JUST TOUCH TEH COLON IT TOUCHES THE HEART AS WELL BESIDES I SHOWED AN OPTEH SONG TO MY MAIN MAN JUDEN PETERSTEIN AND HE CRIED LIKE FAGGET AFTER HEARING IT SO THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW OPTEH IS BEST BAND EVAH ALSO "FLOWERDICK" IS THAT WHEN YOU GET CORONAPENIS? OR WHEN TEH SVOLLEN-BOEHNER BECUMS LIMP?
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Hornybadgerchad
I DUNNO, BOR. BUT THAT FIXATION IS PRESENT AMONG FAGGUMINATI. OR THEY JUST BRED THEM PURPOSEFULLY FOR THAT PURPOSE. BREEDING FOR THE BIGGEST PENIS? FAGGUMINATI ARE HILARIOUS. BTW, I REMEMBER HOW I SAW PORN WHERE NIGGA HAS A TINY DICK. SO, I THINK IT'S JUST ANOTHER HOAX, ABOUT LONG DICKS. AND YOU CAN FIND THAT VIDEO ON «THAT SITE». BTW, ALSO PENIS ENLARGEMENT THERAPY IS A REAL THING AND IS NOT A JOKE. TAKE A LOOK AND YOU'LL LAUGH.
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SchizoMayunly
I DUNNO BRAW I'M ONLY BASING OPINION ON JEWGLE STATISTICS CUZ I NEVER SAW BLACKED PORN INTERRACIAL STUFF IS DISGUSTING ALSO PAYNUS ENLARGEMENT IS REAL I'M BLASTING NICKLEBACK OUT LOUD MY CAWKWEENIS WAS LIMP BUT NOW ITS FUCKEN MASSIVE, EVEN BLACKIES WUD BE JEALOUS
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Hornybadgerchad
NAH, BOR. NOT «THAT SITE». I MEANT AMATEUR STUFF ON XVIDS. THAT GLAMOUR PORN IS SHIET. WHEN I SAW THAT TINY DICK I LAUGHED EXTREMELY HARD. SO, IT'S A HOAX, BOR. THEY JUST SELECT THOSE WHO HAVE THE BIGGEST, THAT'S IT. JONH HOLMES TRVE ARVAN HERO HAD ALSO THE LONGEST. SO? IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT EVERYONE HAS SUCH A STRONGEST BLASTER. PROBABLY HE LISTENED TOO MUCH AKERSTACHE OR SOMETHING, WHO KNOWS. AND PROBABLY ENLARGEMENT THERAPY MIGHT BE. I EVEN SAW ONE DUDE WHO DID THIS AND HE HAD CONSEQUENCES ON HIS WEENIE. IF HE KNEW THAT AKERSTACHE COULD HELP HIM WITHOUT THERAPY HE WOULDN'T HAVE EXPERIENCED SUCH A PAIN AND SHAME (OF LOVE).
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Hornybadgerchad
At least the judge didn't sentence you to mandatory leatherdaddy transformation™.
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grimIy_fiendish
Halo of cock, all I see is the curvature Coomer's lament, but it's me who's the swallower
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SchizoMayunly
New Opteh album tracklist revealed! 1. Suck It, Boy 2. Cute Twinks & Muscly Chainbears 3. Leatherdaddy Assblasting Fuckfest (ft. Van Darkholme) 4. Teabaggers 5. Ensconced In Leather 6. ♂Frot♂Me♂Harder♂ (♂Fuck♂Me♂Deeper♂) 7. Steven's Didgeridoo 8. Not All Gayz Wear Leather 9. Dildo-Lickin' Party 10. London Leatherboys (Accept cover) 11. Swallow It, Boy
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Hornybadgerchad
Sadly, I thought he would do a duet with Gunther. Or Gunther said no, because he's no homersex?
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Hornybadgerchad
Haha, I imagined collaboration of Mikael Akerfeldt and McDonald's™, where he advertises HORNY MEAL™.
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SchizoMayunly
I imagine how that adverstiment would be like: "Cum to McDonalds and taste Mike's Jizzburger™, lick his Vanilla Icecream Cone and swallow his creamy Sundae." And Mikael would be shown serving foods while wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. NOTHING AT ALL. Stupid sexy Mikael.
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Hornybadgerchad
If Seth was alive, he'd have written the song «Locking Mikael Akerfeldt in McDonald's™» while he's naked and with Jizzburger™ and that McDonald's cap.
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Hornybadgerchad
So, there were rumors about Akerstache and their original song, that they were hiding. It's about the song Haxprocess™. The chorus of the song in some versions was like this: HAXPROCESS, THE PROCESS OF SLUTS. HAXPROCESS, SHE CAN"T GET ENOUGH (COCKS). HAXPROCEEEEESS (AASSS). Don't know really whether it is true. But it is possible.
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SchizoMayunly
Legend says it was a collaboration with Fuckin' A-era Anal Cunt, and there was another version called "Sexprocess (The Process Of Sex)" featuring Steel Panther
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Hornybadgerchad
Haha, I reminded once again that secret band Straight Up™ and that cool song.
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Hornybadgerchad
Have you ever seen leatherdaddy's pain? You make such harsh insinuations about the being feggitz n' shiet. But do you know what it means, to experience leatherdaddy's pain? Not that fantasy fairy tale about gays in «Brokeback Mountain»: leave it to yaoi hentai bored wives or spicy ginger horny bitchiz, who fantasise about cocks, but prefer to watch yaoi, like a gurochan below. So, you don't know that? How is it feel, right? YOU DON'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU'RE HETEROPHILLIC BIGOTS WHO ARE INSENSITIVE TO LEATHERDADDIES. Seth would've agreed with me on that matter. I once saw one leatherdaddy who was crying like that Keanu meme on the bench and singing «carry the burden inside». That thing struck my attention. He sang Opteh! I asked him about the films about leatherdaddy's pain and he advised me to watch «Shortbus», where leatherdaddy can't be happy even sucking his own cock. And they hide in their clubs with that intense leatherdaddy sorrow. And emptiness. So, you,insensitive bigots, watch it!
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SchizoMayunly
I THINK I SAW DAT SHORTCOCK MOVIE SUM YEARS AGO. TEH ORGY SCENE GAVE ME A SVOLEN-BOEHNER BUT TEH SCENE WHERE TEH DUDE JIZZES IN HIS OWN MOUTH MADE MAH CAWK SHRIVEL UP AND FALL OFF IN TEH TOILET. I HAD TO SPEND TEH REST OF TEH DAY TRYING TO RESCUE MY OWN DICK FROM TEH SEWER. TRVE STORY
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Hornybadgerchad
HAHAHA, I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE TOO. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, AS ALWAYS. NICKELBACK & 'STACHE. AND YOUR BONER WILL GROW AGAIN, IF NOT EVEN BIGGER, THAT YOU'D BECOME A NEW TRVE ARVAN HERO, AS JOHN HOLMES WAS.
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SchizoMayunly
"LAST CHRISTMAS, I GAVE YOU MY COCK, BAWT TEH VERY NEXT DAY YOU WERE NO LONGER GAY. THIS YEAR, TO SAVE ME FROM TEARS, I'LL GIVE MY ASS TO STEVEN WILSON" ~ George Mikael
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Hornybadgerchad
Limp Dicksquirt — Take A Dick Around: «I know you why wanna be a leatherdaddy, I know why you wanna be a leatherdaddy, know why you wanna be a leatherdaddy, 'cause sex with sluts is not worth lately».
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Hornybadgerchad
Anyone heard about that service ONLYCOCKS™? I've heard only about Onlyfans, where mostly are sluts and that's it. I saw some weird article in the fagguminati magazine™ and short reference about secret site, resembling Onlyfans, but about men and leatherdaddies. And it's like invite-only like in the film «Eyes Wide Shut». Or is it some kind of initiation into the fagguminati elite club™? Via ONLYCOCKS™? Anyone heard about that? I think to find out the proper truth, I should visit Opteh concert, because possibility of finding something like that, probably higher there, but I'm not sure (I still have hope in heterosex Opteh and believe that they'll becum heterosex again™). Opteh connoisseurs, you know something and don't tell us? Why? Or is it some secret fagguminati secret to become rich and famous? To stream yourself on ONLYCOCKS™ service, sponsored by fagguminati? Why silence?
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SchizoMayunly
It's called OnlyFagz™. Mikael has an account on that website, which explains why Opteh hasn't been releasing new material lately - he's making big profit from selling pictures of his hairy buttcrack rubbing against Steven's donger
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SchizoMayunly
If it's for people who are heterosex by nature, I was imagining it would be a website where hetersex men would post their dickpics for women to see
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Hornybadgerchad
YOU DIDN"T KNOW? IT"S CALLED DICK ANXIETY. THAT"S WHY THEY WATCH THIS FROM SAVE DISTANCE. LIKE WEARING CORONAPENIS MASK.
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SchizoMayunly
Well, it's time to make an OnlyCocks™ account and surprise the ladies by sending them pictures of my giant meatwand
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Hornybadgerchad
Amazing discovery was announced not so long ago. Some recucklical professor of psychology stated one thing, that caused such a vivid outburst in the cuntservative circles. He stated that not only DADDY ISSUES exist, but also LEATHERDADDY ISSUES. And he stated also that among cockservatives you can find lots of people with LEATHERDADDY ISSUES. And he said that so seriously, that people became so infuriated, that some secret was disclosed, that they wanted to burn him like a medieval witch. And it happened on the large conference, where there were lots of recucklicans and cuntservatives (or cockservatives, I don't know) and the fans of that blonde dude™, secretly wearing the yarmulke. That professor also proposed the idea to help such patients with leatherdaddy issues, but with that outburst he ran away saving his life, because it felt for him like a medieval punishment. And he just only said about leatherdaddy issues... They screamed he's a heretic. I wonder, what was during Dark Ages?
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SchizoMayunly
Both Jew Biden and Donald Cuck wear the yarmulke, and their supporters as well, they're all patriotards who love Fagzrael™
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SchizoMayunly
At gunpoint I would rather side with the twerking class, aka twerkers of the world unite™. At least they don't wear yarmulkes (other than Marxxx and the leatherdaddy who tutored him - Moses Ass)
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Hornybadgerchad
Remember that among them are also jerking class, who waters the floors in cum, after reading «Cockunist Manifesto™». I don't want you to have a surgical trauma of your head, while slipping on someone's cum.
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Hornybadgerchad
Btw, you translated Moses Ass wrong. In reality it was like a code word consisted of several words. MOre SorE asS. Because leatherdaddies in the past should have hidden their secret activities. Especially among goyim, whom are now turning into GAYIM, as you've said before. Imagine the common folk village. What would leatherdaddies can do there? Only use the secret codes, that common folk would not understand.
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SchizoMayunly
From gayest to least gay: SoreAssness, Frottage (AKA Heirspray the musical), Domination, In Cocka Venereal, Male Communion, Frottershed, Gay Reveries, Blackfrotter Park, Morningboner, Orgy, Steve's Wife, Delivery (Of Jizzburgers), My Cock Your Arse (if it wasn't for that gay circus polka section in the middle of "By The Pain I See In Others While They Get A Hot Curling Iron Shoved Up Their Asses", Delivery would take My Cock Your Arse's spot)
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SchizoMayunly
Mikael ran out of testostrone because Steven cut off his dick so he could surgically attach it to Aviv Gayffen
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Hornybadgerchad
So gay, so gay. Maybe he thought that Mikael's cock is like a HOLY GRAIL. Magic cock™? Or he just wanted to get the magic powers of Mikael Akerfeldt? I've always thought that the magic powers of Mikael Akerfeldt were/are in his magic moustache™.
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SchizoMayunly
Interviewer: "When you graowel old Opteh songs during liveshows, don't you feel pain?" Mikael: "Yeah, it hurts my throat! And my ass!" Interviewer: "How can you withstand that pain?" Mikael: "Well during those moments, I just remember those unforgettable motivational words from my personal trainer" Interviewer: "what were those words?" Mikael (recalling his adolescence whilst teetering on the verge of tears): "yeah, boy. I'm gonna wreck your ass with my giant dong. Keep lifting that heavy shiet, candyface. No pain no gain in your brain insane. Now I can see your buttcrack. I bet your ass tastes like Nutella. Squat on mah face, boy. I'm gonna cum in my pants right now. Yeah, boi! I just came."
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SchizoMayunly
Bors if the earth is round how can people in southern hemisphere survive they should be like falling off the planet and floating in outer space lmao
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SchizoMayunly
It would be a beautiful picture: big-booty brazilian chicks dancing samba while floating around in space, Australian kangaroos trying to jump (but they can't because they're floating), aboriginal tribes accidentally reaching the moon, CEOs and government leaders from the northern hemisphere screaming in anger because they can't enslave gullible africans, Georgesaurus on the verge of tears, Klaus Schwul having a panic attack, Juden Peterstein lying in his bed crying about hierarchy while his daughturr makes some orange juice for him, meanwhile chaduminati heteroaliens hiding in their spaceships, laughing at all of this while fapping to the brazilian bitchiz, huehuehuehue
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flaccidsnake1
they might ban my account, delete my shouts, but they won't ban my love for dic- i mean my love for opteh, yeah
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Hornybadgerchad
What's your name? WHO'S YOUR LEATHERDADDY? IS HE RICH LIKE ME? — the most favorite album of Mikael Akerfeldt.
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SchizoMayunly
Also, Leatherdaddy DJ. "Leatherdaddy DJ, please take me to the party, and let me dance along until I suck your dong, leatherdaddy DJ please take me to a gay bar and let the Opteh play, until we all turn gay"
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SchizoMayunly
This year Leatherdaddy Santa ate too much Mon Chéri, as a result he got drunk and drove his sleigh against a tree // Then a little boy saw him and sat on his lap, so Santa pulled out his weiner and began to fap // Because of drunk-driving he was awaiting trial, but he also fapped on that kid so he's a pedophile // But he bribed the judge with male hookers & blow, the judge took the bribe and let him go // Now thanks to the Fagguminati Santa's cumming to town tonight, and he will get naughty with you and your kids in the moonlight // They say Santa will cum down your chimney but that "chimney" just means your ass, in reality he enters your house by breaking through the window glass. MERRY JIZZMAS FAGGETS
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Hornybadgerchad
Breaking through the window glass... Is it a slang term for frotting? I find it amazing how fagguminati tend to cipher their sexual activities under weird terms and expressions. And the Fagguminati SANTA'S SACK is a slang term for SCROTUM. And presents mean testicles.
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SchizoMayunly
"SANTA'S BALLS, SANTA'S BALLS JIGGLE ALL THE WAY, OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE HIS DICK BECAUSE I'M GAY... HEY!"
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SchizoMayunly
Opteh just got signed to a new label omgomg https://rateyourmusic.com/label/gay_metal_records/
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