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SchizoMayunly
Hey bors, remember kayto1996? Veyita's boyfriend and occasional seriousfag? HE IS DIED. Legend tells a tale of young fagget gayto1996 eating Taco Bell with his parents. After a king-sized meal, he ran to the toilet and shat out a bunch of diarrhea along with all the dildos that he had previously rammed up his butt. Perched atop the toilet there was a radio blasting Opteh, when he heard Mikael's voice singing "Burden" he jizzed massively over his own poo. His parents heard him moaning so they knocked on the door. On the verge of desperation, he flushed the toilet but the dildos wouldn't go down so he kept flushing until the pipes exploded and toilet water flooded the bathroom, immersing him in a tsunami of cummies and molten poo. When his parents took a peek through the door's keyhole, they saw him floating in a sea of dildos and shit so they said "son I am disappoint", then he choked on water and the last words he heard were "THERE'S AN OCEAN OF SORROW IN YOU" and then he became died
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SchizoMayunly
Omg omg check this out guize, Steven was unsatisfied with Mikael's physique so he injected anabolic steroids into Mike's ass while he was asleep, this is the result: https://ibb.co/tQ4TP4J
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SchizoMayunly
Legend says if you turn off the lights and shout "Mikael" three times, a leather daddy will appear in front of you. But if the lights are turned off, how do you know if a leather daddy was there or not? Mind = blown
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SchizoMayunly
omg guize, RipeCadaver is so butthurt that he thinks I still own multiple accounts (check out Steven Wilton shitbox)
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nollfem4
Lord you made me straight to love females but whenever I see michel akerfeld who is a 10 and has that Gyatt... Doesn't mean that I'm gay i just don't know if it's a woman or not so I can't tell but if it rides it well then it's a keeper (I'm all in) i just can't control the nuts on who towards or whom to. I can't resist anymore i can't handle them anymore please understand my journey y'all and to raise opeth fertility 🙏🙏 AM I WRONG?????
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SchizoMayunly
I just remembered this page, it's perfect to torll the gay christians: https://www.last.fm/music/Family+Bible+Reading+Fellowship
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SovietByke
Omg guys, earlier today I was watching classic YouTube Poops from my youth when I rediscovered this one and realised it's a beautiful summation of this shoutbox https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbO1Dl7XMuo
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SchizoMayunly
I opened that link not knowing it was going to consist of The Kroegster™ singing about his Svöllen-Böehner, now I'm covered in my own cum
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SovietByke
BREAKING NEWS: The International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia (ICTY) has, at last, obtained hold of Serbian warlord Mihajlo Akerfeldović, who had remained at-large for almost 30 years. Once considered to have disappeared without a trace, the former commander has long been charged with crimes against humanity after he was found to have forced dozens of Bosnian prisoners of war to hear his bad self-made black metal recordings. Akerfeldović was extradited earlier this morning by the Serbian government after he was found inside of a biker bar in the city of Smederevo, where he was playing in a local glam metal band, Belgraderection. Mikael Åkerfeldt, frontman and guitarist for Swedish progressive metal band Opteh, has come out with a statement denying any blood relation to Akerfeldović, relegating the similar names to mere coincidence: "I am not related to this problematic bigot, for I am against any and all war crimes, and am but a normal man who sucks cock and balls."
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SchizoMayunly
"he was found inside of a biker bar in the city of Smederevo, where he was playing in a local glam metal band, Belgraderection." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
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SchizoMayunly
Sure. The original Mihajlo most likely escaped to the southern hemisphere, like Michel Hitlerfeldt did. He probably hides in Argentina, or perhaps in a secret military base in Antarctica where the soldiers all frot each other. And it's called MANtarctica™. But a greater doubt still remains: what if he is actually Mikael in disguise? Mind = blown (also, cock = blown)
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SovietByke
Opeth are a Swedish progressive penis band from Stockholm, formed in 1990. In addition to progressive metal, the band incorporates folk, blues, classical, and jazz elements into its usually lengthy penis, as well as strong influences from death metal, especially in their early penises. Songs may include acoustic guitar passages, Mellodongs, death growls, and strong dynamic penises. The band rarely made live appearances supporting their first four albums, but since their first world tour in support of the 2001 album Blackedwater Park, they have had several other major penis tours. The group have been through several penis changes since early in their history, including the replacement of every original penis. Lead vocalist, guitarist, and primary songwriter Mikael Cockerfeldt has been Opeth's driving penis since the departure of founder and lead penis David Dicksberg in 1992.
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helikopteri13
science say the semen is made and stored in the balls of the man individual but the science wrong becouse michael ogrefeltd store the stevemen in the möuth.
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SovietByke
Listening to modern Opteh gives me the ability to shapeshift into a leather daddy partaking in an orgy at a Deep Purple concert
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oltnabrick1
Mikael Akerfeldt, the lead vocalist and guitarist of the Swedish progressive metal band Opeth, made headlines recently for kissing his male bandmate during a live performance. The act was seen as a statement of support for the LGBTQ+ community and sparked a conversation about inclusivity in the metal genre. However, this positive moment was overshadowed by Akerfeldt's controversial comments about “legalizing stabbings” in a subsequent interview. Some fans have criticized him for making light of serious issues. Despite the backlash, Akerfeldt remains a respected figure in the metal community and his actions continue to provoke discussion about diversity and acceptance in the genre.
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bernkastel__
the opteh - got cake (new 80s italo-disco inspired sensual anthem, releasing 25.11.2024)
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SchizoMayunly
"And I heard a sound from heaven like the graowelz of Mikael and like the loud beat blasts of Axenfrot. The sound I heard was like that of Opteh playing their music. And they sang a new song (...) No one could learn that song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth. These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they remained virgins." ~ Teh Bible. "18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch! Big, hard, throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked! 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked! Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch! On their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks! Ram Ranch really rocks!" ~ Grant MacDonald
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SovietByke
Cowabunga guys, tune into FOX this upcoming Friday night for a brand "smacking" new episode of Family Guy featuring Mikael Aferfeldt of Opteh!! *Cuts to episode preview of Peter Griffin and Mikael standing in the Griffin household's living room* "Gee Mikael, ya sure do have a great mustache!" "Sank ju värry mutzsch, Peetuh, zis mustäsch iz för maksimeizung zeh pöwer av muh gröwelz düring zeh liveshöwz" "Gee, ya think ya growelz are strong? Remember da time dat Steven Wilson tried liftin' up three twinks usin' only his porcupine tree?" *cutaway sequence to Steven Wilson with a giant bulge in his pants, staring down some discord femboys in his audience* "A'ight chaps, it's time for some bangers and mash, if you catch my drift..."
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SovietByke
O.M.G. did u here what Opteh fro(n)tman Miguel Aguerrofeldo said on da Op(teh)rah Winfrey show ??? Hear is da quote ... "I ate Stefano Wilsón's burrito yesterday so much it exploded and left crema fresca all over my face!" #Wow #TMI #Spicyyy
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Dieser Shout ist nicht verfügbar.
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SovietByke
"An Akerfeldt a day keeps the depression away (and the soul pleasurably gay)" - Stefan Vilsen, lead singer and guitarist for Porkedyouwithmypeen Tree
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SchizoMayunly
Alright bors, we have won the Battle of Stevengrad, and it was easy, since RipeCadaver was too scared to fight back like a real mayuwn. The Steven Wilson shitbox now belongs to us, brethren
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thishusk
i bumped into mikael akerfeldt at a bus stop in downtown stockholm the other week and he was super nice, even letting me get a selfie with him! i asked him where he was taking the bus to, and he said he was going to a wine tasting with steven wilson. i asked if i could be their third tonight while giving him a wink, but he told me to get the fuck away from him before he punched me in the face because he was sick of people coming up to him on the street and getting all in his business about his and steven's bareback romance :/
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thishusk
youre right. there's this festival coming up soon in stockholm and it's exactly the type of place mikael and his fruity boy toy steven would go! i'll impress him with my extensive knowledge about vermouths and sherry wines, which will without a doubt seduce such an exquisite homosexual man of culture like mikael akerfeldt. inevitably he'll invite me over to his hotel and we'll spit roast his delectable twink femboyfriend steven while he wears a skirt :D
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Hornybadgerchad
But you're a woman... Why you're so suprised? You wanted to save them from homersexuality? Weren't you afraid that Mikael would growl so strong, making you afraid understanding that you had wanted to take Steven from him? Have you seen how roaring lions became angry? It is furious and dangerous.
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SchizoMayunly
That's right, she forgot Mikael is gay, he would never share Steven with a woman. Just look at how he behaves when interviewed by a woman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glKEz1v4eME Mikael should be gettin' all the way up in her spicy meat curtains in front of the camera, or at least grabbing her tits, but he barely even looks at her, he just sits there talking about his favourite Village People records, no wonder he lost his graowelz and metulriffs
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Hornybadgerchad
Who knows, maybe it's a spark of heterosexuality that can be seen in his eyes. Or maybe he's afraid that TITS may overcloud his mind, that he forgets eventually about prog and dive into TITS RABITHOLE. No one knows. Especially in the fagguminati business™, where strict rules about some matters.
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Daniel_Green
Siga o canal "Rock+Metal" no WhatsApp: https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaA9swcJ93wRW6T8ka14
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naluinchains
mikael had to divorce his wife in order to dedicate himself fully to his craft. that being licking cock and balls
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SchizoMayunly
Omg bors, I was browsing a gay pride page on Instagayz and look what I found: https://ibb.co/bm933jP
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SchizoMayunly
"You hear that flute in Famine? The reason it's there is not because we like Jethro Tool, it's because during the recordings, Steven was slithering his snake all over my body and at a certain point his snake went limp, so we promptly called an indian charmer and when he arrived at the studio he played the flute, and Steven's snake started rising again! We liked how it sounded so we decided to keep it on the recording" ~ Mikael Åkerfeldt
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nollfem4
OK 🆗, seriously 😒, I'm 💘 fed 🍔 up ⬆ with nearly 👣 every ☝🏼 day 🌞 having to explain 📢 that Opeth is a hentai 🗽 super🎤 group 💵. I'm 💘 a f*cking 🖕👦 weebologist 🍆 and a hentai 🗽 media🗻🗿 connoisseur ⚙🔌. I 👁 shouldn't have to f*cking 🖕👦 explain 📢 what is blatantly 🙄 obvious 🙄 to people 👫 who aren't paying 💰🤑💸 attention 🚨 and don't 🚫 understand 📚 how real love 🎵🎻 genres 🎶 work 🏢. Every 💯 person 👫 who has called 📲 Opeth a genre 🎶 other than hentaicore is a poseur 💀💯😡 who has no 🙅 understanding 🤔 at all 💯 of c*m 🎶 theory 😂😜✔. When 🍑 you 👈 combine 🔗 pee-pee 🌷🌼 pigtails 🗿, extreme 🍆 broship 🎤🤘 instant-ramen 🎶 and stolen hotel slippers 🎷🎶 into one 😤 style 😎, it comes 💦 out as hentai 🌷🌼 wave🎤. How many 👬 times 🕐 do I 👥 have to f*cking 🖕👦 explain 💬 this? It should be common 🐩 f*cking 🖕👦 knowledge 📚😤.
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SovietByke
This is only tangentially related to your shitpost, but some number of weeks ago, YouTube's front page tried shilling a new song from Bring Me The Horizon named 'LosT', and despite the fact that this group has, to my knowledge, never made a good song, I decided to bite and listen to it out of morbid curiosity, but as soon as I heard the opening lyrics "Watching Evangelion with a big fat slug of ketamine," I turned the video off with a heavy feeling of disappointment in Oliver Sykes as an artist.
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SchizoMayunly
BORS, you won't believe what I just saw today. I looked out the window and saw A MAN SHAKING HANDS WITH ANOTHER MAN. I was so horrified I tried petting a soft, furry kitten while eating hot, melted cheese to calm myself down, but it wasn't enough, so I kneeled in front of a Mike Pence poster on my bedroom wall and prayed to Chadolf Kröegler, asking him to burn all homersexuals to the ground. That calmed me down.
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SchizoMayunly
HEY BORS ON THIS DAY LET'S NOT FROGET WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR 9/11 IT WAS NOT SADDAM IT WAS BOOSH AND TEH ORANGE JEWS THEY WERE NEAR TEH BUILDING BLASTING NICKELBACK SO LOUD THAT THE WTC EXPLODED AND FELL DOWN TO TEH GROUND TRUE STORY
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SovietByke
I cured my son of the Big Gay. The other day, he came home for Christmas with his new partner. I was excited to meet her (and maybe MEAT her after my son fell asleep hehe), but imagine my horror when it turned out to be another man. I immediately started to protest, but my son said "Dad, this is who I am. Zander and I are in love." Without missing a beat, I turned around and said, "You forgot to say no homo." But my boy simply scoffed at me and said, "Actually, dad, I AM a homosexual. That's right, your son is in love with another man." Then my son grabbed Zander's hand and looked at me defiantly. For a second, I was utterly devastated. But then I thought to myself, "what would Trump do?" So I stared straight at my son, penetrating his soul with my eyes (no homo), and said, "But that's gay." As soon as I uttered those fateful words, my son began to convulse. He dropped to floor in some sort of manic state, spit pouring from his mouth as his eyes rolled back into his head.
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SovietByke
Zander tried to help him, but I pushed that dainty little queer away with my heteronormative strength. After a full minute, my son opened his eyes and said, "Dad, you cured me of my homosexuality." Then, with manly tears of joy in his eyes, he pointed to Zander and exclaimed, "Let's get that homo!" After we wiped Zander's blood off our hands and threw the little fairy into the cold, my son and I sat down with a beer and watched some football. As we watched, my son turned to me and said, "Dad, I love you. No homo." "No homo indeed, son," I replied. "No homo indeed."
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SchizoMayunly
That reminds me of when my parents cured me of my own homersexuality. They looked at me in the eye, wrapped the American flag 'round me and forced me to hear Nickelback "Something In Your Mouth". I was cured in a matter of seconds. Praise Chad.
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SchizoMayunly
Yes, and after I was converted, my parents made me bang my sister in front of them, to prove my heterosexuality. After I was done bangin' dat biatch, they wrapped the Chad flag around my Svöllen-Böehner. I was proud. Heil mein führer Chadolf Krøegler
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SchizoMayunly
Opteh - Eternal Flame (The Bangles cover). "Close your eyes, gimme your ass, Steven, do you feel my cock throbbiiiing? Do you understand? Do you feel the saaaaaame, or are you only jizzing? iiiis thiiiis böehner an eternal flame?"
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SovietByke
2009* [fix'd] https://www.last.fm/music/Opeth/+shoutbox/103176243:shoutbox:1cdd42be-ce6a-4024-ae21-e5cb4cb8995e
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nollfem4
Guys... when did you admit to yourself that you were an opeth fan? When did you tell your parents? Did you try to supress it? For me, it was a mild April afternoon. I knew I had no interest in girls, and most people did not understand me. I heard Blackwater Park on the radio and something inside just woke up. It was a tingeling on many planes of existence. I started shaking, sweating, lost perception and fell to the ground. I dreamt wildly, and fell through space and time. On the other side the angel Mikael embraced me. Golden curls and a moustache filled with gold sparkles and butterflies. I woke up that day. Hugs and kisses
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SchizoMayunly
I didn't tell them, it just happened spontaneously. I was blasting "My Cock, Your Arse" out loud while buttbanging a gay-for-pay twink in the dining room, and I didn't know my parents would arrive home earlier than usual. When they opened the door, they were disappoint, but I told them "it's not our fault it's Mikael's angelic voice and his bromantic chords turning us into teh gayz, blame it on him" so they forgave me but then they put lawsuit on Mikael for spreading the gay this is trve story
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SchizoMayunly
LUIS RUBIALES IS A REAL HORNYBADGER HE JUST TAKES WHAT HE WANTS BUT NOW THE FAGGUMINAZIS ARE CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM OMG WHAT A BUNCH OF FAGGETS
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SchizoMayunly
Badgerstache - Hornybadger (Of Love). THE HORNYBADGER OF LOVE, THE HORNYBADGER OF LOVE, THE HORNYBADGER OF LOVE, OF LOOOOOOUVE. OH BAYBUH. OH BAYBUH... THE HORNYBADGER OF LOVE.
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nollfem4
WHO TF IS STEPBRO WILSON??? Read the title. I’m so sick of being left out of the joke. Who is this f*cker? Is this just one big goof on me? Is he even real? Who the f*ck is stepbro wilsong? And more importantly, if he is real, why does he have a bjorn-from-abba doll up his smell-cave? What did this guy do to make the entire truck stop community hate him? Did he make an edgy tik-tok? That’s probably it. He probably said “metal is for pansies” on twitch and hurt your wittle feewings. Seriously who the f*ck is he? I get really irritated every time I see a post about him. Just the other day my dad said “stefan wingding bugatti ding-dong” and I f*cking lost it. My vision went blurry and I said “it’s morbin time.” I bashed his head in with his lucky 9 iron. He always did love that thing more than me. So lars.fm, AITA?
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SovietByke
Porkyourpeen Tree recently overtook Opteh in terms of scrobbles on muh profile, which means that now Steven is dom and Mikael is sub.
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Dogger_Dog
BORS THANK YU FOR TEH HORNEYBONER AWARENISS WEEK MAH CAWKPEENIS IS CHAFFED NEXT YEER LETS USE LOOB
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SchizoMayunly
BUT GLAMPA WE DID USE LOOB WE USED BROZZARELLA AND CHADDAR CHEESE (HOT, MELTED) AS LOOB
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SchizoMayunly
ALRIGHT BRAW I JUST PUT BUTTER ON MY WEENIS AND NOW ALL TEH LEATHER DADDIES ARE CALLING ME A BISCUIT - IT WORKS
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